Slaughterhouse Rulez (2018)

An illustrious British boarding school becomes a bloody battleground when a mysterious sinkhole appears at a nearby fracking site, unleashing unspeakable horror.

As a huge fan of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz (and to a lesser degree At Worlds' End), to say I was excited for Slaughterhouse Rulez, a brand new horror comedy that has both Simon Pegg and Nick Frost in it, would be an understatement.

Sadly, both of them only play minor roles (and both of which are annoyingly unfunny roles) and they don't even end up sharing any screentme together, minus one 20-second moment. To make matters worse, the director is clearly trying to go for that specific Edgar Wright-style of comedy and tone throughout the movie but constantly fails on almost every level. I failed to laugh once and I chuckled maybe twice during the entire affair.

Add to that, we get TONS of unneeded backstory and information on the school this takes place at and several of the characters residing there, and this is all information that you would think would end up coming into play in some big important way during the movie due to how much these things keep getting brought up... except they don't. Not in any real meaningful way anyway.

Which leads me to my biggest issue - Almost nothing happens in this movie. The underground creatures don't show up until about 20 minutes from the end of the movie and very, very, little of the movie up to that point has anything to do with them or the mystery surrounding them, which is made worse by the unfunny attempts at humor throughout and the fact that absolutely no character here is likeable.

Sure, the creatures themselves look fantastic (what we get to see of them, they don't show up til late in the movie and then they're mostly obscured by darkness) and the gore, when we finally get it, is insane and awesome, and everything is done with practical effects which I appreciate all the more, but at that point in the movie it's far too little, far too late.

 4/10 rooms in the Psych Ward


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