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Showing posts from June, 2012

Bigfoot (2012)

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REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long


COMPANY: The Asylum

RUNTIME: 88 mins

FORMAT: Screener

PLOT: When a Bigfoot attacks an 80s-themed music festival, a concert promoter and a hippie burnout that are at odds with each other both set out to bring in the creature.

REVIEW: We're coming up on the final movie of what SyFy has been calling 'The Most Dangerous Month On Television', which has been made-up of the four weekly Original Movies starting with Jersey Shore Shark Attack, continuing with Piranhaconda and Arachnoquake, and now ending things off with Asylum's furry-Hulk-starring creature feature Bigfoot. And oh boy, what a month this has been – I don't think I've ever before had such a busy month filled with so much excellent cheese and B-Movie goodness. I don't even know what I'm going to do with my spare time after this, when the Original Movies slack off a bit and go back to having only one or two a month – don't get me wrong, it'll be nice to have a little brea…

Komodo vs Cobra (2005)

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REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long


COMPANY: Cinetel Films

RUNTIME: 94 mins

FORMAT: DVD

PLOT: A genetically-engineered Komodo Dragon and King Cobra have become ginormous creatures hunting people on a remote tropical island. A small group of scientists must stop the creatures before they escape the island and destroy the rest of the world.

REVIEW: While Komodo vs Cobra seems to be advertised and constantly referred to as a sequel to Curse of the Komodo, it's actually more correct to look at it as a remake, despite being made not even a year later. It has the exact same plot, filmed in the exact same locations, complete with exact same military subplot with the exact same outcome of said subplot, beat-for-beat and pretty much word-for-word. If, like me, you've already seen Curse of the Komodo then you've already seen this movie, just replace some of the Komodo scenes with a Cobra.


There are only three differences - First, the group that happens upon the island in this one is a gr…

Zombies vs Strippers (2012)

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REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long


COMPANY: Full Moon Entertainment

RUNTIME: 75 mins

FORMAT: Screener

PLOT: The Tough Titty is a strip club that's seen better days, but tonight it's gonna see a whole lot worse. Spider has been losing money on his business for years, but now it's finally getting the traffic he's always wanted... unfortunately, most of his patrons are undead. With a sudden outbreak of the zombie virus, strippers Vanilla, Bambi, and Sugar deal with the disaster the way only a stripper can.

REVIEW: You don't wad in the B-Movie pool for any good length of time without coming across Full Moon Entertainment. Even if you don't know their name, chances are you know about at least some of their titles; titles such as Puppet Master, Demonic Toys, Dollman, Dollman vs Demonic Toys, Trancers, Subspecies, Robot Wars, The Evil Bong, The Gingerdead Man, Killer Eye, and even some child-friendly titles like Prehysteria, Pet Shop, and the 6-movie Josh Kirby serial. Granted, class…

The Curse of the Komodo (2004)

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REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long


COMPANY: Royal Oaks Entertainment

RUNTIME: 92 mins

FORMAT: DVD

PLOT: A genetically-engineered Komodo Dragon has become a ginormous creature hunting people on a remote tropical island. A small group of scientists must stop the dragon before it escapes the island and destroys the rest of the world.

REVIEW: After having watched some of his more recent work, I was in the mood to go back and watch one of Jim Wynorski's previous movies that I hadn't yet seen, and since I love creature features I figured Curse of the Komodo was a good one to start with.

Right off the bat I was pretty surprised that the military Special Ops team in the opening minutes were not the main characters like I had initially thought, and that the Doctor they were sent there to evacuate turned out to be the main character, and for once he was not evil, nor did he create the giant Komodo Dragon on purpose - It was a byproduct of his formula for growing larger super vegetables, …

Piranhaconda (2012)

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REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long


COMPANY: New Horizons

RUNTIME: 84 mins

FORMAT: T.V.

PLOT: A low-budget horror movie crew, inept kidnappers, and a reptile expert battle a monstrous anaconda/piranha hybrid in the middle of the Amazon jungle.


REVIEW:Piranhaconda premiered earlier this evening on the SyFy Channel as part of it's 'Most Dangerous Month on Television' campaign, and I wanted to rush and get this review written and posted while the movie was still fresh in my mind, and right off the bat I have to be honest here - I was not impressed with this one. It was nowhere near as entertaining as Sharktopus or as fun as Dinocroc vs Supergator had been, and it wasn't even as good as Camel Spiders was, all of which have also been made by the same crew of people.
A big problem with Piranhaconda is that there's no overlaying plot in the slightest until over halfway through the movie, so a good 70% of the movie is mostly just random generic scene after random generic scene that could  …

Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012)

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REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long


COMPANY: ARO Entertainment

RUNTIME: 88 mins

FORMAT: Screener

PLOT:It's a holiday weekend at the Jersey Shore and, unbeknownst to anyone, underwater drills have attracted dozens of albino bull sharks to the pier. When a man goes missing, The Complication, Nookie, and their friends fear the worst and plead with the police chief to close down the beach, but of course no one listens. Now, the Preppies must work together with the Guidos in order to save the Jersey Shore and its inhabitants from a vicious slaughter.

REVIEW: I pretty much didn't give Jersey Shore Shark Attack a second-glance when it was first announced. There's just been such an over-abundance of killer shark movies flooding the B-Movie market in the last several years that I've stopped caring about them (though I can still admit when one comes along that I really enjoy, such as 2-Headed Shark Attack). Ever since then however, I've been slowly coming around on this one, first some …

Arachnoquake (2012)

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REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long


COMPANY: Active Entertainment

RUNTIME: 86 mins

FORMAT: Screener

PLOT:After earthquakes ravage New Orleans, dozens of locals fall victim to a previously unknown species of deadly albino spiders. Despite their best efforts, spiders swarm out of the earthquake-opened fissures and infest the city.

REVIEW: I've been backing killer spider movies now for awhile, hoping that they would overtake the shark movies as the popular go-to killer animal for B-Movie companies, however the first of many killer spider movies to hit this year, Roger Corman's Camel Spiders, was only so-so and far from the great 'Second Coming' that I was hoping it would be to usher in the other killer arachnid movies of 2012 and beyond. Well luckily, coming up on Saturday, June 23rd at 9pm Eastern Time on Space: The Imagination Station in Canada, and the SyFy Channel in the U.S., we have our second major spider movie of 2012 – the awesomely-titled Arachnoquake, starring none other then J…