The B-Movie Shelf

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long COMPANY: Full Moon Entertainment RUNTIME: 72 mins FORMAT: DVD PLOT: After they murder a fellow teenager, a group of inner city high school students run afoul of everyone's worst nightmare: a killer demon clown summoned for vengeance. Killjoy the Clown kills bad guys and the innocent alike, and only Jada, a gifted student, can stop the killer in its grease painted tracks. REVIEW: I've always been a fan of movies made by Full Moon. Sure, their classic stuff is leaps and bounds better then anything they put out this day in age, but there are still some entertaining gems in the modern mix ( The Gingerdead Man , Puppet Master 9: Axis of Evil, Zombies vs Strippers ). However, Killjoy is not one of them. Hands down, this one of the worst movies Full Moon has ever made. The idea is pretty good (a killer vengeance demon in the form of a creepy clown hunts down members of a street gang responsible for a kid's murder), but it's u...

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long COMPANY: New Horizons RUNTIME: 92 mins FORMAT: BluRay PLOT: A baby Pliosaur, a long-extinct prehistoric species of shark, swims away when the chunk of Arctic glacier that it had been frozen in breaks away due to global warming. Three years later, this 'Dinoshark' is a ferocious predatory adult and has made its way to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico where it starts killing tourists and locals just offshore . REVIEW: Over the course of this upcoming weekend (August 18th and 19th), the Space Channel here in Canada is airing some kind of Killer Shark Movie Marathon, where-in they will be airing such classics as Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus and its sequel Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus , Sharktopus, Jersey Shore Shark Attack , Malibu Shark Attack, Dinocroc, Swamp Shark, and Dinoshark. Space was kind enough to send me a screener of Dinoshark for review, however I actually already owned that one on BluRay, so for the purpose of this review I'll actually be ...

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long COMPANY: POP Films/MTV RUNTIME: 84 mins FORMAT: MoD DVD PLOT : Having endured the torment of high school, survived the bloodbath at the Rollerdome, and then confronted her serial killer father at the Boneyard - ending his reign of terror once and for all - Skye Rotter is ready to break free of "Psycho Skye" and head to college for a new life. But before Skye can truly escape her dark past, there's still one last party she has to attend - her estranged sister Alex is having her Sweet 16, and someone has made certain the Lord of the Rink's bloody legacy lives on. One way or another, the party will end here. REVIEW: Putting in the disc for My Super Psycho Sweet 16: Part 3 was a bit bittersweet for me; On the one hand, with this comes the end of my one-a-night Super Psycho Sweet 16 marathon which I've been really enjoying and having a lot of fun with. On the other hand, knowing how much I enjoyed My Super Psycho Sweet 16 , and even d...

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long COMPANY: POP Films/MTV RUNTIME: 84 mins FORMAT: MoD DVD PLOT : Skye Rotter is on the run, having fled the Roller Dome massacre from the end of the first movie. With nowhere left to turn, Skye heads to the quiet town of Mill Basin and the mother who abandoned her years ago. There, she meets her younger half-sister, Alex and Alex's manipulative best friend, Zoe. Skye hopes she's finally found safety in her new family, but she's about to learn she can't outrun her past. While her friends Brigg and Derek desperately try to locate her, Charlie Rotter comes to town with one bloody mission: to turn Skye's upcoming birthday into a Sweet 16 she'll never forget, turning a weekend rager into the savage setting for a Rotter family reunion. REVIEW: After last night's viewing of the first My Super Psycho Sweet 16 , I was pretty anxious to get home from work this evening so I could pop in My Super Psycho Sweet 16: Part 2 and watch the c...

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long COMPANY: POP Films/MTV RUNTIME: 87 mins FORMAT: MoD DVD PLOT: Madison Penrose, spoiled throughout her life, convinces her rich parents to re-open a nearby rollerdome for her Sweet 16 birthday party. The rollerdome once closed because a series of brutal murders took place at the locale, and, of course, the killer returns to wreak havoc during her party. REVIEW: I was always interested in checking out this little made-for-TV Super Psycho Sweet 16 horror trilogy, because despite being made by MTV of all channels, I've heard mostly nothing but good things about these movies from the usually-harsh horror community. Of course with my luck, these movies ended up being really hard to get a hold of – they're not available in stores at all, and they're only on Itunes in the U.S. (I live in Canada, so that made me shit out of luck). I'm not ashamed to admit that I even got desperate enough to resort to looking on less-then-legal sites, but still...

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long COMPANY: The Asylum RUNTIME: 88 mins FORMAT: Screener PLOT: When a Bigfoot attacks an 80s-themed music festival, a concert promoter and a hippie burnout that are at odds with each other both set out to bring in the creature. REVIEW: We're coming up on the final movie of what SyFy has been calling 'The Most Dangerous Month On Television', which has been made-up of the four weekly Original Movies starting with Jersey Shore Shark Attack , continuing with Piranhaconda and Arachnoquake , and now ending things off with Asylum's furry-Hulk-starring creature feature Bigfoot. And oh boy, what a month this has been – I don't think I've ever before had such a busy month filled with so much excellent cheese and B-Movie goodness. I don't even know what I'm going to do with my spare time after this, when the Original Movies slack off a bit and go back to having only one or two a month – don't get me wrong, it'll be nice t...

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long COMPANY: Cinetel Films RUNTIME: 94 mins FORMAT: DVD PLOT: A genetically-engineered Komodo Dragon and King Cobra have become ginormous creatures hunting people on a remote tropical island. A small group of scientists must stop the creatures before they escape the island and destroy the rest of the world. REVIEW: While Komodo vs Cobra seems to be advertised and constantly referred to as a sequel to Curse of the Komodo , it's actually more correct to look at it as a remake, despite being made not even a year later. It has the exact same plot, filmed in the exact same locations, complete with exact same military subplot with the exact same outcome of said subplot, beat-for-beat and pretty much word-for-word. If, like me, you've already seen Curse of the Komodo then you've already seen this movie, just replace some of the Komodo scenes with a Cobra. There are only three differences - First, the group that happens upon the isla...

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long       COMPANY: Full Moon Entertainment RUNTIME: 75 mins FORMAT: Screener PLOT: The Tough Titty is a strip club that's seen better days, but tonight it's gonna see a whole lot worse. Spider has been losing money on his business for years, but now it's finally getting the traffic he's always wanted... unfortunately, most of his patrons are undead. With a sudden outbreak of the zombie virus, strippers Vanilla, Bambi, and Sugar deal with the disaster the way only a stripper can. REVIEW: You don't wad in the B-Movie pool for any good length of time without coming across Full Moon Entertainment. Even if you don't know their name, chances are you know about at least some of their titles; titles such as Puppet Master, Demonic Toys, Dollman, Dollman vs Demonic Toys, Trancers, Subspecies, Robot Wars, The Evil Bong, The Gingerdead Man , Killer Eye, and even some child-friendly titles like Prehysteria, Pet Shop, and the 6-movie Josh Kirb...