The B-Movie Shelf

Fans flock to a festival celebrating the most iconic horror movies, only to discover that the charismatic showman behind the event has a diabolical agenda. As festival attendees start dying off, three teenagers - more schooled in horror-film cliches than practical knowledge about neutralizing psycho killers - must band together and battle through various madmen and monstrosities to survive. REVIEW: Blood Fest is a new horror movie brought to us by Rooster Teeth of Red vs Blue fame, that follows a group of friends that attend a horror convention, only to have the entire thing be a trap set by a madman to kill as many people as possible in as many different horror settings as possible. I mean, yeah, the plot doesn't really make much sense if you give it any real thought, especially the mechanics behind it all, and there's a plot twist in regards to it that you can see coming from a mile away and that makes even less sense than the rest of it. Also, many of the ...

A doctor and his wife move to a small inhospitable fishing village where he plans to start a practice only to discover that for seven nights every seven years, the undead demon-worshiping Templar Knights rise to seek sacrificial offerings in return for the safety of the townspeople. REVIEW: Night of the Seagulls is the 4th and final movie in the classic Blind Dead saga ( Tombs of the Blind Dead , Return of the Evil Dead , and The Ghost Galleon ). This one is, at the very least, a step up from the previous movie. This one has a pretty interesting story to it that never reached the levels of boredom or pointlessness that the previous movie did, and it has likable lead characters, so it at least has that going for it. Unfortunately, this movie is not made well, at all. Most of the movie takes place during night time scenes...except for every night time scene in the movie, the director used Day-for-Night, so even though it's supposed to be midnight, it looks no diff...

A group of people stranded at sea come across an abandoned 16th century galleon, where they seek refuge. However, little do they know that the living corpses of Satan-worshiping Knights Templars have woken on the ship and are hunting for fresh victims. REVIEW: The Ghost Galleon, also called Horror of the Zombies in a severely cut version, is the third movie in the Blind Dead series, preceded by Tombs of the Blind Dead and Return of the Evil Dead , and this one above all the other ones was the one I wanted to really like the most, mainly because it 1, breaks the formula that the first two movies followed and gives us something a bit different with the plot, which I always appreciate, and 2, I love movies that deal with creepy mysterious haunted ghost ships out in the middle of the ocean. That’s one of my all-time personal favorite horror movie settings. I'll admit right off the bat that the Blind Dead themselves look great here as always (except their obviously-f...

500 years after they were blinded and executed for committing human sacrifices, a band of Templar knights returns from the grave to terrorize a rural Portuguese village during it's centennial celebration. Being blind, the Templars find their victims through sound, usually the screams of their victims. Taking refuge in a deserted cathedral, a small group of people must find a way to escape from the creatures. REVIEW: Return of the Blind Dead, also known more-so as Return of the Evil Dead, is the second movie in the 1970s Spanish horror Blind Dead series, of which I've already reviewed the first one . Some aspects I feel this entry does much better than the first Blind Dead movie. It has actual likeable and fleshed out characters, an easy to follow coherent plot, it uses the actual 'blind' aspect of the Blind Dead better, and pretty much everything else from a writing standpoint is done better, plus most of the acting is better as well. However the...

In the 13th century there existed a legion of evil knights known as the Templars, who quested for eternal life by drinking human blood and committing sacrifices to their 'God'. Executed for their unholy deeds, the Templars bodies were left out for the crows to peck out their eyes. Now, in modern day Portugal, a group of people stumble on the Templars abandoned monastery, reviving their rotting corpses to terrorize the land. REVIEW: The first time I watched Tombs of the Blind Dead, a cult classic Spanish horror movie from 1972 , I watched the horrible American dub/cut of this movie which removed some scenes and rearranged other scenes, and I hated it. On a rewatch, this time of the original uncut original Spanish version, Tombs of the Blind Dead is still not quite as good as I've heard from multiple reviews and podcasts, however this version of the movie is certainly a hell of a lot better than the shitty nonsensical American cut of the film, which I watche...

Lost Tapes is a Faux-Documentary TV show that depicts traumatic scenarios where people are attacked and/or killed by mysterious, dangerous, deadly, savage, and ferocious paranormal cryptids. Review: I've never hid the fact that here at the B-Movie Shelf we love us the found footage genre. Sure, there are some big stinkers to come across , but when done right, that style of filmmaking can be effective as hell, plus cheap to produce, so everyone can win. A few years ago I previously reviewed Season 1 of the B-Movie-esque found footage TV series Lost Tapes and, despite a few clunker episodes, overall I really enjoyed it. Now, having been put out by Animal Planet of all channels, you can assume correctly that the episode-to-episode budget on this show is pretty minuscule, which means hardly even a blink-and-you'll-miss-it glance (if even that much) of the creature-of-note each episode, but luckily most times they make up for that by at least having some good tension-fil...

When an amnesiac wakes up in a desert-covered post-apocalyptic world ravaged by a rabies-type virus, he must band together with a small group of survivors. REVIEW: It's no secret that here at the B-Movie Shelf my favorite B-Movie production company is The Asylum. Their movies may not always be the best-made, but they are almost always a hell of a lot of fun, and really, being entertained is the main reason I love watching movies as much as I do. Regardless of quality, as long as I'm entertained and have a good time watching a movie, than I'm loving it. Suffice to say, you can see how I'd be stoked for each new Asylum release as soon as it's announced, and luckily once in awhile I'll be graced enough to receive a screener copy before the official release, as was the case with Asylum's latest Mad Max mockbuster, Road Wars. Road Wars is more than just a Mad Max mockbuster. Sure, it has all the regular stereotypical Mad Max ingredients, such as a...

Immortal half-vampire/half-human vampire slayer Rayne takes her war against the Vampires into World War II, where she must stop a recently-turned Nazi commander from creating an army of Nazi Vampires for Hitler. REVIEW: Well better late then never, but finally here's my review of the third Uwe Boll BloodRayne epic, BloodRayne: The Third Reich. It's interesting to note that these movies, along with the In the Name of the King trilogy, are some of his more successful film franchises with three films each. Some others, such as Alone in the Dark, Seed, and Rampage, got at least one sequel but these two franchises got three each.  I may be putting myself before the firing squad here, but I'm actually a bit of a Uwe Boll fan myself, even though I can admit there's probably no reason why I should like them, considering they are in no shape, way, or form good movies, but admittedly they're pretty fun for me to watch. The story to this BloodRayne ent...

A Dhampir named Rayne continues her ageless war against the vampires, this time in the wild west where she takes on a vampiric Billy the Kid. REVIEW:  BloodRayne is a trilogy of films that I actually kind of like from Uwe Boll. I've seen each of them at least once and, to be honest,. I'm not even entirely sure why I like them. Technically Boll has never made an actual *good* movie, but at least there seems to be a fan base for them, however small, and I know I personally can have fun with some of his Video Game adaptations like this series and In the Name of the King series. Thus here I am with BloodRayne 2: Deliverance. This takes place a good deal of centuries after the first BloodRayne , which took place in the Medieval ages. This one takes on a Western vibe as it takes place in the Wild West era where outlaws like Billy the Kid lived. Which brings us to our main villain of this Horror Western, Billy the Kid himself. In this he's a Vampire bent on spreadin...

A Dhampir named Rayne hunts down vampires and ultimately seeks revenge against the man that attacked her mother and made her the way she is. REVIEW: I won't lie, Uwe Boll is a bad filmmaker. He makes cheap video game movies and about all of them have been terrible, to say the least. But despite that, I have to admit that I do personally like a few of them, even going as far as owning them, and chief among those is the BloodRayne trilogy. BloodRayne is based off a video game about a half-human/half-vampire, or Dhamphir, named Rayne who, much like the infamous Blade, uses her vampiric super powers and abilities to kill vampires and rise up against the vampire master that originally made her. The video game that this movie is based off of however takes place during World War II and that's one of the main differences, a disappointing one at that, between this movie and the game. The movie itself takes place in medieval times, when the Brimstone Society, an organiz...

Bill, a dorky high school student and avid horror movie fan, witnesses a UFO flying over his town. When the ship lands the next day, Bill and a team from SETI discover that the alien is a strange vampire creature who wants to cast the Earth into darkness so that he and his people can colonize it for themselves. REVIEW: I got anxious while waiting for Asylum's newest release, Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark, the third movie in the infamous Mega Shark series , to arrive in the mail so to help pass the time until then, I signed up for Full Moon Streaming - an online streaming service for the full catalog of Full Moon Entertainment movies, both old classics in addition to brand new stuff, and everything in between. Now, I do plan to get back to my Puppet Master series rewatch here shortly, but I was really in the mood this evening for something I hadn't ever seen before, so I went to Full Moon's Moonbeam subsection (their side-company for 80's and 90's famil...