The B-Movie Shelf

When a small plane carrying a group of science students and their professor crash lands in the middle of nowhere, the survivors go to a nearby farmhouse to look for help but soon find themselves besieged by giant mutant spiders. REVIEW: I grew up watching all these 1990s/early 2000s SyFy Channel-level creature feature movies and Arachnia, from 2003, was one I remembered loving a lot when I was younger. Well how times have changed. I decided to revisit this one recently for the first time since high school, since it was on Amazon Prime Video, and boy oh boy , was it a rough viewing.  The acting was atrocious, even by the low bar of standards for these types of movies, and the characters were all annoyingly horrible people - There isn't one single character that was enjoyable to watch here or that you feel you could root for, which just makes it all the more frustrating when it takes forever for the giant mutant killer spiders to start attacking and you have t...

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long Company: Stirton Productions Runtime: 69 mins Format: Screener Plot: In the far future, a group of shipwrecked mercenaries must struggle for survival on an uncharted alien world; A world where death is only the beginning... Review: MTI Home Video recently sent me a whole bunch of screeners for some of the backlog of movies they've distributed over here in Canada and the U.S over the years, and the first of those that I wanted to check out was the ultra low-budget sci-fi/horror from 2006, simply-titled The Planet. Now right out of the gate, I have to dock some points for such an unimaginative bland title like The Planet. It does nothing to help tell you what the movie is about, or even what genre it is. I personally can't stand boring bland basic titles like that (movies with similarly-bland and overused titles like any form and variation of The Possession or The Possessed are top offenders as well). Anything more would have b...

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long Company:  Zingraff Motion Pictures Runtime: 94 mins Format: Screener Plot: Mitch meets the beautiful and seductive Amy at a happy hour and begins a tantalizing romance. Before long, Mitch learns that nothing is as it appears and, unable to trust anyone, finds himself on a nightmarish roller coaster ride as he is accused of murder, and has to run from the law in addition to a mysterious stranger out to kill him. Review: Fatal Call was among the second group of screeners that MTI Home Video sent my way, and while at first I was a bit cautious of it (just because direct-to-video action movies tend to be a bit bland to me most of the time – I'm much more of a monster, killer animal, sci-fi, horror, or mockbuster kind of guy), I then saw who was starring in it – Danielle Harris, the beautiful and unbelievably hot horror scream queen that has been in countless horror flicks and always brings her A-game. That alone turned me right around on this one...

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long Company: Recreator Labs   Runtime: 90 mins Format: Screener Plot: Three teenagers stumble upon a secret laboratory while on a camping trip and encounter superior clones of themselves. Duplicates; Doubles; Recreations; they are exact copies of Craig, Tracy and Derek, and the teenagers are no match for their physically stronger, faster, and all-around better selves. Their only hope is to outwit them and to escape before they are replaced. Review: Alongside a screener for Attack of the Herbals , I was also sent another screener by MTI Home Video for a movie they recently distributed here in The U.S and Canada titled Cloned: The Recreator Chronicles, a movie I had heard nothing about before seeing this screener, but was pretty excited to check out based on just the title alone - after all, I always love me some clone action! This one starts off with a group of fun-loving teens going camping in the woods one weekend and during a re...

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long Company:  Clear Focus   Runtime: 81 mins Format: Screener Plot: After years in exile, Jackson McGregor has returned to his grandparent's home in Lobster Cove, a small Scottish village where the daily routine consists of eating, sleeping, fishing... and drinking tea. After discovering a mysterious crate of herbal tea washed up on shore, Jackson, along with his friend Russell hatch a plan to sell the tea and save the village from a rich businessman. Unfortunately the tea given to the townspeople soon turns into a nightmare, and Jackson finds himself in a village of flesh-eating zombies. Review: MTI Home Video recently got in touch with me and offered to send some screeners my way for some of their films, and since I'm always on the lookout for more screener opportunities of course I accepted. The first one that came my way for review is for a movie I've actually heard a bit about in the past, but isn't one I really followed progres...