The B-Movie Shelf

Fin has to go back in time to rejoin his shark-battling friends to save the future by stopping the random Sharknados that are mysteriously popping up at major historical events throughout history. REVIEW: After five movies in five years , and a massively surprising pop culture phenomenon, it all comes down to this one last movie by The Asylum and the SyFy Channel, The Last Sharknado: It's About Time. Much of my issues with Sharknado 6 are actually pretty much the same issues I had with Sharknado 5: Global Swarming - Most of the jokes I didn't find funny, the plot is all over the place, they throw way too much random stuff into the script just to see what sticks and most of it doesn't, the special effects (which, to be fair, have never been good to begin with) are pretty much the worst they've been in the entire franchise, and it just moves from pretty much one random action scene directly into the next with very little (or none at all, in some cases) d...

When a global extinction-level asteroid heads directly toward Earth, the U.S. Military sends a team up to drill into the core, plant a bomb, and blow the asteroid to pieces before it can hit Earth. However, they soon discover it will not be that easy when the giant asteroid turns out to secretly be an alien mothership, about to launch an attack on Earth. REVIEW: It's that time of year again, which is my favorite time of year - Hollywood starts releasing their mindless big budget summer popcorn blockbusters and right as habit would have it, The Asylum is right there and ready to go to release their mindless low budget summer popcorn mockbusters in their usual perfectly-timed fashion to coincide with whatever Hollywood monstrosity is coming out that week. In the case of this week, it's Asylum's Age of Tomorrow (or World of Tomorrow for some European markets), which is clearly meant to hilariously capitalize on the Tom Cruise-starring mega hit due out this weekend, Edge o...

When the Mega Shark emerges to terrorize the seas once more, the U.S. government comes prepared with a giant mechanical shark to combat the threat, one last time. REVIEW: Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark (an obvious play on the classic Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla) is easily one of my most anticipated B-Movie releases for 2014, so I'm really glad it's being released right at the front of the year so I don't have to wait even longer for it, hahaha. The first movie, Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus , a couple choice scenes aside, failed to live up to the full cheesy potential that the title implied; Ultimately it was 'ok', but nowhere near what I was expecting from it. The second movie, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus may have had even lower caliber of CG effects than the previous movie had (which itself was pretty low as it was), but everything else about it was exactly what I had been hoping that the first movie was. Sure, it was beyond stupid but it was a fun kind of stupid a...

In the year 2045, a Los Angeles Police Department detective and his new Android partner enter the Zone, a forbidden section of the city plagued with an unknown disease. There, they discover the source of the illness and uncover a troubling Government Conspiracy at the center. REVIEW: I'm still anxiously awaiting for my BluRay copy of Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark, the third movie in the infamous Mega Shark series , to arrive in the mail, however in the meantime the fine folks at Asylum sent my way a screener of another new movie of theirs to review, Android Cop, set to be released this upcoming Tuesday on February 4th. As you might guess, Android Cop is very much Asylum's glorious return to mockbusters by riffing on the upcoming RoboCop remake. Asylum has landed themselves in plenty of legal troubles over the last couple years because of their mockbusters (The Day The Earth Stopped, Age of Hobbits aka Clash of the Empires , and American Battleship aka American Warships bei...

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REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long COMPANY: The Asylum RUNTIME: 85 mins FORMAT: DVD PLOT: A Marine unit sent into an island base to save a professor, meets what they are trying to save the professor from: Genetically modified super soldiers that have gone awry and have escaped from their maximum security holding cells. REVIEW: The Asylum is very well-known for their mockbusters, many of which I've covered in past reviews. However, despite the title, Universal Soldiers is actually more of a Terminator mockbuster then Universal Soldier, and is actually kind of a nice companion piece to Asylum's The Terminators as both movies are very similar to one another, have plots that are pretty close together, filmed in the same style, and may even potentially share some of the same effects shots. The main difference - That one is actually enjoyable and this one is not. The acting is decent for the most part (a couple people aside), but the audio is of such terrible quality tha...

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long COMPANY: The Asylum RUNTIME: 90 mins FORMAT: Netflix PLOT: A group of researchers in Antarctica are abducted by a platoon of masked soldiers and dragged to a hidden continent in the center of the Earth. There, they discover that surviving Nazi soldiers are plotting an invasion of Earth to revive the Third Reich. REVIEW: I honestly wasn't originally planning on doing a review for Nazis at the Center of the Earth, simply because I can't review every B-Movie I watch, I just watch way too many of them, and where I recently put out two reviews, one for Grimm's Snow White and one for Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver , with another one for Camel Spiders being prepped for the near-future, I was planning on just sitting back and enjoying Nazis at the Center of the Earth without having to worry about taking notes and doing up a review after. But by the time the credits started rolling I knew I just had to do a review of this one to ...

REVIEW BY: Jeffrey Long COMPANY: Imperial Entertainment RUNTIME: 87 mins FORMAT: VHS PLOT: 76 years after the first movie, cyborgs have taken over the world and enslaved the human race. The human freedom fighters' scientists create a genetically-engineered superhuman as a secret weapon against the cyborgs, but during an ambush they must instead send her back in time to hide her, but she's soon followed by a cyborg bounty hunter. REVIEW: I know everyone warned me to stay away from Nemesis 2: Nebula and the other Nemesis sequels, but I wanted to check them out for myself anyway. 1, Bad movies are my forte' so if you tell me to stay way from something because it's a bad movie – that just sparks my interest even more. 2, the original director/writer did all four Nemesis movies so that has me interested. 3, I'm a completest. When I sit down to watch a movie, no matter how bad the others are, if there are more in the series I have to watch them. And to be ...