The B-Movie Shelf

A black ops reconnaissance team is sent to investigate the crash of an unidentified aircraft. When they arrive, they find strange markings and residue visible only in infrared. As the team gets deeper in and tries to figure out the source of the markings, they discover that they are being hunted by an alien expedition to Earth.  REVIEW: Alien Predator is Asylum's latest mockbuster, obviously cashing in on the recent release of The Predator , although also acting just as much as a mockbuster of the original Predator movie, which I have no problems with at all as anybody who knows even a little about me knows that I love Asylum movies. They're my bread and butter when it comes to low budget direct-to-video B-Movies. With this one, an alien ship crashes in the jungle and after the first team sent in to assess the situation disappears, a second team goes in to find out what the hell is going on. While the acting is about what you would expect from Asylum fare, the ...

It's been eight years since the opening night tragedy of Hell House, LLC and still many unanswered questions remain. Thanks to an anonymous tip, investigative journalist Jessica Fox is convinced that key evidence is hidden inside the abandoned Abaddon Hotel - evidence that will shed light on the hotel's mysteries. She assembles a team equally hungry for answers with one goal: break into the hotel and discover the truth. REVIEW: Hell House LLC 2: The Abaddon Hotel was easily one of my most anticipated movies of the year. The first Hell House LLC is one of my favorite found footage horror movies, possibly of all time. The level of fear, unease, and tension that movie portrayed was just unreal, so when I heard a sequel was coming this year it instantly moved to the top of my anticipation list. Well. What a gigantic disappointment Hell House LLC 2: The Abaddon Hotel turned out to be. This is right up there with The Houses October Built 2: Hellbent as one of the mos...

Five years after an unexplained malfunction at a Halloween haunted house attraction causes the death of 15 tour-goers and the staff on opening night, a documentary crew travels back to the scene of the tragedy to find out what really happened.  REVIEW: I know I'm in the minority, but Found Footage is one of my personal favorite sub-genres of horror, and among those Hell House LLC is easily one of my top favorite Found Footage horror movies of the last few years. It's a bit of a slow burn at times, but in this case it uses that slow burn wisely, letting us get to know and like the characters, something that, in my opinion, is very important to a Found Footage movie. Plus that slow burn is not without its moments of fright scattered here and there either. Some of my favorite creepy moments come during those parts of the movie, like the moment with that tall clown mannequin turning its head at the top of the basement stairs, and the whole strobe light test run...

When a young boy accidentally triggers the universe's most lethal hunters' return to Earth, only a ragtag crew of ex-soldiers and a disgruntled science teacher can prevent the end of the human race. REVIEW: I grew up watching the Predator movies (alongside the Alien movies and, later in life, the Alien vs Predator movies) and for the most part I've loved most of them. Even spent a large chunk of my teenage years reading all the novels and a fair number of the comics and graphic novels. I just can't get enough of these awesome intergalactic hunters, so it goes without saying I was pretty excited for a new movie from the get go. Unfortunately I was no prepared for just how bad this movie was going to be. To start, I do not like any of these characters at all. Olivia Munn was ok for the most part, but I hated literally everyone else, as they were too annoying to be likeable. For the first bit of the movie I was like ‘Ok, this isn't bad. Not great but n...

America's third political party, the New Founding Fathers of America, comes to power and conducts an experiment: no laws for 12 hours on Staten Island. No one has to stay on the island, but $5,000 is given to anyone who does. REVIEW: I enjoy all the Purge movies, so The First Purge was no different. However, that's also part of the problem. After the first three movies , when you have a prequel explaining the beginnings of something, I tend to want a bit 'different' in there and for the most part this one was the exact same as all the others, and it doesn't really do anything different enough to warrant it being a prequel. It doesn't really explore anything that the other movies didn't explore, and it doesn't really show us anything that we havn't already seen done in the other movies. Also, the final 15 minutes or so is just a by-the-numbers boringly-shot shoot-out in an apartment complex between our main characters and a Gover...

A military vessel on the search for an unidentified submersible finds themselves face to face with a giant shark, forced to use only what they have on board to defend themselves from the monstrous beast. REVIEW: Megalodon is Asylum's latest mockbuster, made to cash in on the success of the big budget theatrical The Meg , as they always so expertly do. This actually isn't the first Megalodon-themed movie that The Asylum has released; They've already got an unrelated series of four movies dealing with the title creature battling various different other giant monsters in each one - Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus , Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus , Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark , and Mega Shark vs Kolossus. The first thing I noticed is that while some of the CGI here is atrociously bad, even by Asylum's very low standards, some of it is also quite impressive. The Megalodon shark itself looking quite good and far better than their design of it used for the Mega Shark ...

A deep-sea submersible has been attacked by a massive creature, previously thought to be extinct, and now lies disabled at the bottom of the deepest trench in the Pacific. Expert deep sea rescue diver Jonas Taylor is recruited to save the crew from this unstoppable threat: a prehistoric 75-foot-long shark known as the Megalodon. REVIEW: While I'm not a fan of Steve Alten's later 'Meg' novels, I do really love his first two, the first of which this movie is based upon. As an adaptation of a book, The Meg movie is terrible. Other than the very basic idea of a giant prehistoric Megalodon shark being discovered in modern times and wrecking havoc on the surface, and a few character names (even though their personalities are totally different), the movie pretty much has nothing in common with the book at all. I would actually venture to say The Lost World: Jurassic Park has more in common with its book counterpart than this movie does, and anyone familiar wit...

Here is the list of all the reviews that are on this blog, for easy access so you don't have to go back pages upon pages to see if I have a certain one. This will be updated every time a new review is posted. Jeffrey Long's Reviews : 2-Headed Shark Attack 5-Headed Shark Attack 6-Headed Shark Attack   13/13/13 40 Days and Nights 100 Degrees Below Zero 100 Million BC Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies Adventures in Dinosaur City AE: Apocalypse Earth Age of Dinosaurs Age of Tomorrow   Airline Disaster   Aladdin and the Death Lamp Alien Abduction Alien Origin Alien Outpost, aka Mankind's Last Stand Alien Predator Alien Siege Almighty Thor Anaconda 3: Offspring and Anaconda 4: Trail of Blood Android Cop A Quiet Place Arachnia   Arachnoquake Area 51 Area 407  Atlantic Rim, aka Attack From Beneath   Attack of the Herbals Avenged, aka Savaged Avengers Grimm Avengers Grimm: Time Wars   Banshee Chapter Barrio Brawler, aka American ...